The Phrases from A Dad Which Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who still absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to take a pause - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."